People that are thinking about trying the polyamory lifestyle might be stressed out or anxious due to the possibility of making mistakes. This anxiousness could even be more increased if you are a couple that might consider being polyamorous. What mistakes do people make when trying polyamory?
Why Do I want this relationship?
The reason of starting a polyamorous relationship is something to carefully consider. It is important to think of the future and if this lifestyle is suited for you. Polyamorous relationships have worked but everyone needs to have their needs met. There are bad reasons to start a polyamorous relationship. If you are a couple considering divorce, it might be better to get marriage counseling first. Bringing an additional person into a marriage already failing is not the best reason to start polyamory.
A common reason to start polyamory includes sharing multiple partners or even enhance their current sex life. It is important to be considerate of your partners and understand the reason behind wanting to live this lifestyle.
Consider the Other partners
Whether it be one individual you are adding to your relationship or several others, it is imperative to be considerate of the other partner’s wishes and boundaries. Every person in the relationship will have invested feelings. They should be considered as human and a priority as well. Too often you hear of couples who want to experiment and look at the additional members of the relationship as “Play things” and not actual people. This is a huge error as relationships will be formed and attachments will be made.
Start with Stricter Boundaries
A huge mistake people make is not placing any boundaries in their new relationship. It is important to start off with a stricter boundary and loosen that boundary based on the comfort level of the people involved. When couples start a polyamorous relationship, it is essential that they talk openly and honestly about their feelings and think about what boundary would be most comfortable for you. In time, the boundary can become more flexible because trust and familiarity build.
Honesty and Identifying your Needs
It is essential you are honest with all people in your relationship and yourself. If you are feeling certain emotions, be honest! Having an open discussion on how you are feeling can be the difference between a successful relationship with others and one that become toxic and ends with destruction. This starts with open communication and making known your needs.
Identifying your needs is important and this could include your love language. Some individuals need certain physical affection to feel loved while others need an amount of time with their partner. When having more than 2 people in a relationship, understanding how to meet everyone’s needs gets more complicated. Some of this could be resolved with a good routine and identifying your partners’ boundaries with time.
You must identify emotions as they arise in a polyamorous relationship. The most common emotion is jealousy. It is human to be jealous in open relationships and processing this emotion with your partner is important. Suppressing these emotions only ends up with resentment or anger. Coming out and saying “I am jealous right now and need you” is far better than lashing out because your needs are not being met.