Nov 23, 2020 | Where to Begin

How to Practice Non-Monogamy on Tinder

Swiping right in order to find matches on tinder is extremely popular these days. It is one of the most interesting dating sites in that it accommodates the needs of everyone. The reason for this is that everyone is looking for love, sex, or even just a friend. Especially in times like these, it might be very challenging for us to find such people. COVID-19 and a growing level of social anxiety have made the dating game much more difficult. Tinder and other dating apps can be a powerful remedy to these problems. The best part about tinder is that you can utilize your profile settings in order to target the sorts of people you are looking for!

In essence, the way you can do this is through your biography and your pictures. People who are simply looking for sex make it very obvious, whereas those who are looking for romance make that very obvious as well. What is crucial to keep in mind is that whatever you are looking for out of a relationship on tinder, you must make this very clear in your profile. 

However, it might not be obvious that you are looking for an open relationship. Indeed, if you scroll through tinder –you know when you spend hours mindlessly swiping right and left– you seldom come across individuals who say, “I am non-monogamous.” This doesn’t mean there aren’t any non-monogamous people on tinder; rather, what it means is that they might be shy about it or don’t know how to make it obvious.

First things first: put your intentions in your bio. If you are interested in an open relationship, a polyamorous relationship, a triad, or swinging, you should make this very obvious. On the one hand, it will clear the pool of people who are not interested in non-monogamy out of your tinder feed. On the other hand, it will open up the pool of people who are interested in non-monogamy into your tinder feed. You see, tinder has algorithms that makes notes of these sorts of things: the more you match with people who are similar to you, the more tinder will recommend such people to you when giving you the option to swipe left or right. By contrast, the more you swipe right on certain types of people, the less often tinder will give you the option to swipe left or right on similar people. 

For open-relationships, you shouldn’t get too descriptive. You should simply state that you are looking for some “fun” or “are in an open relationship looking to add more partners.” On the other hand, if you are polyamorous, it might be worth considering putting your interests, education, and occupation in your bio. Romance beings from having common interests and polyamory entail multiple committed romantic relationships. Romance needs to get off the ground somehow, and it is a lot easier to do that with someone who shares your interests! 

The next thing you can use to your advantage is your profile picture. This is especially the case if you are looking for a triad, a quad, or a similar sort of relationship where multiple people are involved, but anyone outside of that select group is excluded. For instance, if you are looking to begin a triad, you can post a picture of you and your current partner, and essentially say you are looking for a third partner. Tinder is totally accommodating to this and you can even name the account under both you and your current partner’s name. 

This goes for basically any dating app, including ones like bumble, hinge, or even facebook’s dating service. 

It is important to stay safe on these platforms, however. Before meeting up with anyone, it might be a good idea to either exchange photos or even have a video chat first. There are entire subreddits about tinder horror stories, when individuals meet up with someone who they met on tinder, only to be met with danger and at the very least, a really bad date. It is easy to disguise oneself online and it is best if you can do some reconnaissance before meeting up with someone or getting intimate with them. 
What are some ways to not find non-monogamous relationships on tinder? Don’t simply put on there that you are looking for a hook-up or simply a friend you want to have sex with. This is not transparent enough and could lead to a rude awakening when you finally meet up with someone on tinder. You shouldn’t have an empty bio or blank picture. This sort of profile would drive anyone you wish to meet away, let alone simply people who are interested in practicing non-monogamy. Finally, your picture should not entail one or more of the following details: (1) expressionless facial features are a complete turn off –indeed, for many, they look quite scary rather than attractive; (2) overly sexual pictures (e.g. showing lots of cleavage, butt shots, or a shirtless picture) might work for some, but on the whole, most people find them pretty creepy –not to mention that it looks kind of desperate, and desperation is not attractive; (3) too much information –e.g. Your family or living situation– in your biography simply looks strange: try to keep things as succinct and on as much of an as-needed basis as possible when describing yourself to strangers on tinder. The more intimate details of your life shouldn’t come anywhere near the beginnings of your relationship with another person. 

Tinder and other dating apps are a great place for you to find love, lust, or even simply some nice company. It is accommodating to all and it is especially great for those who are a bit too shy to ask people out in person. There is no shame in using a dating app and any love or lust that comes from it is as real and special as that which comes from normal day to day encounters. Indeed, at this point, tinder really is a normal day to day encounter.  

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