How to Integrate Kink Into a Vanilla Sex Life

Often times, when people hear the word “kink,” their mind immediately goes to the most extreme example of fetish they have ever witnessed in their lives. This seems silly to me because I have come to realize that “everyone is at least a little kinky.” From dirty-talk to wanting to have sex in public spaces, to even choking — almost all of us have had kinky thoughts in and outside of the bedroom. I think it’s a lot more common than we let on, and I believe more people should celebrate “kink,” instead of shunning it. If you are reading this and have zero idea of how to get started, have no fear! I am here to help you integrate kink into your plain, “vanilla” sex life.

Kink is all about discovery! Below I list three kinks that I love that you can explore with just your body, pieces of clothing, or everyday household items.


I personally love being confined. I love the feeling of being restrained and I even like the challenge of being held down after wrestling and play fighting with my partner. If you are anything like me, you will enjoy bondage: the act of confining or restraining the body. To test if you are down for bondage, try grabbing hold of a long sock, a belt, shoelaces, or even an extension cord. If you prefer a more cushiony feel, try the socks, and graduate to soft or fuzzy cuffs in the future or even soft texture rope. Some people love the impression left on the skin after bondage, so a stronger hold like laces and chords may be preferable. Belts are the perfect in-between: no too hard, not too soft, but super strong. As a safety note, in instances where you cannot use your hands to regulate or control what happens to your body, I recommend creating a safe word. A safeword is a random word that you and your partner agree on, that once spoken, means to completely stop!

Wax Play

To add a bit of vocabulary, “play” is how kinky people describe the different acts that they do aside from penetrative sex. If you like heat or mild stinging sensations, wax play may be super intriguing for you. Please note: people have burned their partners by pouring too much wax with cylinder candles. So the first rule of wax play is to ONLY use Taper Candles! Because of the way they are made, they are dummy-proof, and it’s impossible to create a first degree burn on your partner when wax immediately starts to drip once the wick is lit. The trick then is to figure out a steady drip that your partner enjoys and to discover where on the body your partner receives the most sensation. Eventually, you can research candles with hotter wax and visit erotica stores that sell special kinds of taper candles.


Although spanking is widely known for reprimanding, it can also be reserved for impact play. More vocab! A masochist is someone who likes receiving pain and a sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting it. This dynamic is usually seen between a dominant: someone who enjoys taking control and submissive: someone who enjoys relinquishing it. As a masochistic sub, I really enjoy impact play. And having my partner use their hands allowed me to determine what type of impact I was looking for. I encourage you to test with hands to determine if you enjoy full palm slaps with plenty of surface area, flicks with the finger for a stinging sensation, or quick taps. Try it on the butt, thighs, stomach, breasts, and face. Trust me when I say, you’ll truly never know until you try.

Be sure to try it with someone you trust, someone who you’re not embarrassed around, someone who is as interested in your pleasure as you are in your own, someone who you’ve been dying to explore sexually with, and someone who allows you to be your unsolicited self. Good luck, stay safe, and happy exploring!

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